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  #19401  
Old 01-25-2017, 01:38 AM
pluzzle pluzzle is offline
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Originally Posted by BookKitty View Post
why r we only affectionate when we're drunk...... ://
now THIS is what I call relatable content

Sooo it's my second day back at school, full-time boy lol. It was going great until this kid made fun of my voice when we introduced ourselves. I said my name and he laughed and I heard him say "it has a high pitched voice" and then this other kid laughed at that. Also, I hate school and if it weren't so important I would drop out. High school has been the worstyears of my life so far and I feel like it's only getting worse. No amount of medication can fix this. No amount of fuckin iron pills can fix my energy levels. Nothing can fix the fact that I think about skipping most of my lessons...

I feel broken and I can't stop thinking "school might be better if I turned up drunk or high or literally anything else"... I can't stop thinking about what could have been, maybe if my extreme fucking gender dysphoria didn't exist, maybe if people could take me seriously even with this fucking voice, maybe if I didn't spend all my money and time on video games, maybe if I was naturally talented...

Maybe if I was actually worth something, would life be better.
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  #19402  
Old 01-25-2017, 02:03 AM
BookKitty BookKitty is offline
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Originally Posted by july3girl View Post
because society has this standard that to be strong and "manly" and not girly and weak we can't show people we love them (because we're not supposed to love anyone.), and we know that when we're drunk we're considered not responsible for our actions and as human beings we desire to be connected to others so if you can only get that through drinking that why wouldn't you?

or at least that's what this documentary i watched said.

you ok? like re said, make sure you're taking care of yourself. drink some water, eat some food, stay safe.

(also @re you're so lovely thanks for your words and i love your approach to cutting you are truly an inspiration)

thank u ur so sweet and kind. you got it pretty much exactly right.... i dont want 2 be responsible i want to let go and be stupid
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  #19403  
Old 01-25-2017, 02:05 AM
BookKitty BookKitty is offline
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Originally Posted by pluzzle View Post
now THIS is what I call relatable content

Sooo it's my second day back at school, full-time boy lol. It was going great until this kid made fun of my voice when we introduced ourselves. I said my name and he laughed and I heard him say "it has a high pitched voice" and then this other kid laughed at that. Also, I hate school and if it weren't so important I would drop out. High school has been the worstyears of my life so far and I feel like it's only getting worse. No amount of medication can fix this. No amount of fuckin iron pills can fix my energy levels. Nothing can fix the fact that I think about skipping most of my lessons...

I feel broken and I can't stop thinking "school might be better if I turned up drunk or high or literally anything else"... I can't stop thinking about what could have been, maybe if my extreme fucking gender dysphoria didn't exist, maybe if people could take me seriously even with this fucking voice, maybe if I didn't spend all my money and time on video games, maybe if I was naturally talented...

Maybe if I was actually worth something, would life be better.
god im so sorry your dysphoria is so bad and that things r shitty rn. im srsly here for you-even if you think there's nothing i can do to help. i understand that mentality of wanting to show up drunk/high to school...,,, tbh i've shown up high everyday this week. but u have to stop comparing yourself to things so often and thinking about "what ifs". try to relax, talk to a counselor or a friend for even just a few minutes. i dont want to be hypocritical though bc i often don't take my own advice....but that's the best thing to do. just breathe please you're worth so much
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  #19404  
Old 01-25-2017, 02:06 AM
BookKitty BookKitty is offline
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Originally Posted by SilverMoon View Post
why r u drinking???

also why do I lack so much empathy that I'm just like "if X experiences drugs, alcohol, smoking, sex, etc. I only care s I can get references fr write"


i'm drinkin cause im sad and i like kissing people lol
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  #19405  
Old 01-25-2017, 05:44 AM
pluzzle pluzzle is offline
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Originally Posted by BookKitty View Post
god im so sorry your dysphoria is so bad and that things r shitty rn. im srsly here for you-even if you think there's nothing i can do to help. i understand that mentality of wanting to show up drunk/high to school...,,, tbh i've shown up high everyday this week. but u have to stop comparing yourself to things so often and thinking about "what ifs". try to relax, talk to a counselor or a friend for even just a few minutes. i dont want to be hypocritical though bc i often don't take my own advice....but that's the best thing to do. just breathe please you're worth so much
thank you livi <3 life's just hard ya feel..

edit: when ya mental illness makes you lose friends
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Last edited by pluzzle; 01-25-2017 at 07:54 AM.
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  #19406  
Old 01-25-2017, 10:29 PM
Graystorm Graystorm is offline
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Originally Posted by Swallowtail View Post
i need to stop telling people not to cut if I can't even do that myself
Oh no, honey, I'm so sorry I wasn't here sooner. God I want to make it all better. I do. I really wish I do. Please please please text or call me if you need me or think I can help. I hope it gets better. I really do.
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  #19407  
Old 01-25-2017, 11:00 PM
meerkat meerkat is offline
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Default happy vent time

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  #19408  
Old 01-25-2017, 11:28 PM
Swallowtail Swallowtail is offline
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Originally Posted by Graystorm View Post
Oh no, honey, I'm so sorry I wasn't here sooner. God I want to make it all better. I do. I really wish I do. Please please please text or call me if you need me or think I can help. I hope it gets better. I really do.
Hey you can't blame yourself for me fucking up ok? It's ok and I'm going to be ok. Thank you though. You're so nice and wonderful
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  #19409  
Old 01-25-2017, 11:47 PM
Gracithe1andonly Gracithe1andonly is offline
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Originally Posted by BookKitty View Post
i'm drinkin cause im sad and i like kissing people lol
hey I have seen what drinking too young can do to someone's life close up and man you do not deserve to go through what my sister did, livi. she's getting better but things are nowhere near 'normal' or even 'okay.'

I know you might feel like you have control- and maybe you do- but that is a slippery slope man and it is so easy to lose it all. it is so easy to lose it and think you still have it.

please stop and wait until you're legal because then your body will be a little more solid and less likely to adapt itself around the drink. and even then be careful. ten percent of people roughly are hardwired to be addicts. most people get drunk and have a hangover and don't ever wanna do it again. if you're in the ten percent you get drunk and have all the nasty experiences then come out of it asking "so when can I do that again?"

I am not an expert, but I've picked up a couple things, and having watched one addict jump off the metaphorical cliff and slowly start putting things back together, I can't watch someone else do it and say nothing.

love ya
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  #19410  
Old 01-29-2017, 09:58 PM
Frostblaze Frostblaze is offline
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ok so I highkey wanna tell someone that I haven't really stopped cutting but
  • my parents have been no help
  • my grandma freaked out when i told her about the first time three years ago
  • i promised my sister i wouldnt so it again
  • but
  • I have a friend in college and I think I could call her like she's always been so nice and helpful and she is the kindest human being ever
  • but like
  • she's the kindest human being ever
  • I can't burden her with this like she's in college she doesn't need to worry about me anyway
  • but
  • I have cut more times in the past 8 months than I have in the past two years
  • that's bad
  • I'm not getting better
  • I wanna tell someone
  • I need someone to talk to I need someone to stop cutting for someone it'll be hard to lie to someone I won't want to hurt because that's just what I do best right
  • but
  • I can't hurt these people it's just better to let them think I'm fine that I've been clean for two years instead of two weeks

So yeah I'm just Really really really scared
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