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Off Balance (Language warning)

Off Balance (Language warning)

Posted January 27th, 2017 by rebecca

by Rebec
in Rivendell, the only place in Middle Earth that gets Wi-Fi

January 27th, 2017

Off Balance


Editor’s note:

Much thought was given when considering the publication of these writings. Some said their nature was too sensitive, that it was too soon, that we ought to wait a little longer. But we believe this is what Dr Armistice would want, and so we have collected and transcribed relevant material from her notebooks and previous works, and published this one decisive document on the controversial condition ‘Ferus Demonica’. Out of respect for Dr Armistice, we have titled these documents what she had informally named them - ‘Off Balance’, something eccentric and off kilter, much like the writer herself.

What could be typed up, was. Some material was lost or illegible, other sections confidential in nature or irrelevant. We release this not out of so-called ‘tragedy profiteering’, but out of respect for Dr Armistice and her work.

‘Very little has been definitively released about Ferus Demonica and it is imperative people should know the truth’- Dr Armistice said, once. So far as we know, she stands by this, wherever she is, and would wholeheartedly endorse our release of this information.

She might, however, have preferred a title with a pun, even regarding something so serious. Ever the irreverent, causing controversy was a frequent pastime of hers before she dropped off the grid.

If she is reading this, I hope she does not feel intruded upon. We wish her all the best.

  • Vinna Jones, Editor-in-Chief of TSNW Books and Executive Producer of The Show Nobody Watches on Channel 5592




Hell (concept)

A place in between realities, a limbo of lost souls. This place, hypothetical though it is, has history. Among the dead, there are supposedly other, more malevolent spirits, known as demons.

Plausibility; laughable


From Afterlife Myths throughout History (and their plausibility ranked), 2005

Dr Katrin Armistice, PhD



The following is taken from an edited selection of Dr. Armistice’s notes on Ferus Demonica, more commonly known as the ‘wild demon’ condition, or more bluntly; demonic possession:


Off Balance

being a catalogue of demonic possession between the years of 2013-2015


September 2015

It starts with inner ear damage. Wilhelm Breuer (August 2015) lost all hearing in one ear (left) after a amplifier next to him blew at a rave in Berlin, late 2012. He did not, however, present with symptoms until after suffering major head trauma, when, after a few drinks on July 2015, he fell down the stairs and cracked his head on the sleek tiled floor. His blood left a stain nobody could remove, a small but ever-present blot on the whiteness of the china. The house was sold. The tiles were torn up. Wilhelm was deconstructed too (in this case, autopsied, after his death on a private ward 2nd August 2015). It is hypothesised that he was never really completed and died during the transitory process. His preserved carcass (please forgive the term, I will be far less respectful later) stands in the hallway of Professor Kilmer, a well-known archivist of the esoteric and a notorious eccentric. Sometimes he sends it out to museums.

The mummy is often mistaken for alien: people look to the skies for explanations, rarely do they look below.

Hypothesis: Brain damage caused susceptibility to some sort of religious mania creating an obsession with the demonic.

Proof: WB’s behaviour after his admittance to secure ward betrayed intense fascination with death and ritual occultism. He was observed attempting to vivisect another patient before collapsing into a coma from which he never emerged.

Currently there is nothing concrete backing up Mr Bruer’s dramatic physical changes, however the case of Carl Bjorkman which bears some similarities, could perhaps provide evidence as it unfolds.


  • January 11th, 2015. Swedish-born lawyer Carl Bjorkman is attacked, severely beaten by members of a right-wing racist gang whose leader he had prosecuted - for a parking fine. He is left with damage to the back of his head, concussion, and irreparably ruined inner ears (both). From this date until mid-to-late September he exhibited symptoms of paranoia, nightmares, hallucinatory visitations. Things unravelling before his eyes. These were the words he used to describe it - ‘a steady unravelling of everything’.


September 23th [presumably Dr Armistice intended to write 23rd]

His paranoid fantasies have been ascribed to PTSD. During his time with Dr Lori Satrapi, he has received counselling and has been described as suffering from the persistent terror of ‘something happening to him’. It was postulated by said Doctor that Mr Bjorkman was compulsively breaking his own fingers, although Carl denied any of this happening and, increasingly frantic, said his fingers were growing, he had new teeth, and there was ‘a demon’ pinching the sides of his skull, trying to get in.

September 28th

  • He has just been sectioned.



Carl Bjorkman is now missing-presumed-dead. Three students from the University of Stockholm vanished a week later, found dismembered a mile away from campus: dismembered, analysed, deconstructed, whichever synonym suits. There were reports of a thing wandering through the darkness of night, with a long extended skull, hanging jaw and thin, rounded and pointed teeth, similar to those of deep-sea anglerfish. The fingers were a tangled mess, nails driven to claws.


Hypothesis: this ‘beast’ is Mr Bjorkman, changed beyond belief, the exact ways his delusions specified, matching the physical changes to Wilhelm Bruer to exactitude.

Proof: timescale, numerous parallels with WB’s earlier incident,



Whatever the thing was, it was captured and put down humanely 12:37pm, 16th November. Only when DNA was tested did they realise their ‘beast’ was Mr. Carl Bjorkman.

  • In San Francisco, 2013, it appears an elderly widowed woman whose name has been withheld suffered a dangerous epileptic seizure causing the two primary factors/influences to occur. An MRI scan revealed her skull had altered in structure, tucked away in her gums were a line of fangs. Brain activity was also most unusual, but the senior neurologist failed to identify a reason why, simply stating ‘it just is’. So far as anyone knows, the government is still studying Mrs , or whatever she now is. In the process, seven soldiers have died.

[Dr Armistice seems to have forgotten she was denying knowledge of the name of the woman and identifies her. In interest of confidentiality, we have edited this out]

Scientists have since begun to recognise links between prior instances of the condition which they are dubbing ‘Ferus Demonica’.

Angela Roth (December 2014). David Mulhearne (this month). Thierry R. Lambert (June 2013). Rainbow Reece (June 2015).


Inner ear. Head trauma. Or vice versa, whichsoever order they occur in. Culminating in paranoia, delusions, loss of control and physical changes as follows:

  • Growth of the optimal and intermediate phalanges, causing the fingers to tangle together and have the appearance of being broken. Hardening of fingernails, tapering to a point and forming claws. Thinning and lengthening of the cranial bones (one ‘expert’ said ‘looks like that fucked up shit out of Alien to me’). Dislocation and descent of the mandible to make room for new layers of narrow, round, sharply pointed non-human teeth. Zoologists have argued about what species they most resemble, but everything from Amazonian Payara, to anglerfish have been discussed. A particularly sarcastic zoologist suggested ‘those vampire-fish-people that were on Doctor Who that one time’, shortly after making the comment about Alien. He was thrown out of the conference that evening for getting drunk and singing to ABBA’s ‘Dancing Queen’.

[Handwriting changes, becoming scruffier and less legible, never resumes its original style becoming increasingly erratic and almost drunken as the records progress]

WHAT AN ABSOLUTE PLONKER, AMIRITE? This one time and and There was that time in Taiwan too, when we it was pretty weird. He’s but a when it comes down to it. Worst scientist I’ve ever met. Much better as an aid for thought (aka ) I mean honestly that man and and because

but that’s all leaning towards the irrelevant side and is entirely unconcerned with our discussion here.

[Here Dr Armistice goes on an informal, unrelated tangent about her unusual friendship with this particular zoologist, presumed to be her close ‘companion’ Ennis Quayle, whose degree was revoked in December 2015 and has since been on the run for tax evasion. Much of this extract is inappropriate to be printed]

  • Also: a desire to dissect, vivisect, deconstruct. Thus far, two types have been observed: monsters and nightmares (alternate names suggested being: the homicidal and the calculating, dissectors and deconstructors, the berserkers and the logicians. These names are all well and good but monsters and nightmares more properly sums up the sheer childish pulp horror silliness of the situation we find ourselves in).

A monster: will gut you, take you to pieces to see how you work and scatter your essence on the wind. There will be blood (anywhere between 1.2-1.5 gallons approx.). In fact, your body will be entirely drained, your bloodless corpse spread around in random unpatterns. They behave like ravenous animals, killing indiscriminately and without hesitation. As consequence, they are often easier to apprehend and eventually end. Their minimum death count recorded is one, that being, their host, who is legally classed as dead the minute the creature takes over.

A nightmare: will unravel you, wind your skin out, slowly now, curiously, inspecting every part. It does this impossibly, anyone who has watched will testify to the lack of sense it makes. There is no recorded footage, as simultaneously, all cameras flicker to static and fail. Eyewitness state that it does these things with a casual wave of its long, elegant and crooked fingers, perhaps a tilt of the head, splitting up the very cells of your body as it does so. Nobody has ever captured a nightmare; they can dismantle the world around them, how can one possibly hope to contain them? Only occasionally have they ever been so much as observed. These cases have been terminated as cleanly as possible, without the usual moral debate that surrounds execution of the possessed. The minimum death count has been 34 (host not included), in Helsinki back in May, 2015 (Rosmari Haugen, aged 16).

It doesn’t always happen, people have been observed to suffer head trauma and not get the illness, or inner ear and nothing happens. Even both is not a guarantee, or so is thought. Some think the beast within, the demon if you forgive the term, is waiting, and will emerge soon enough, in that loping, off-kilter way it has. Why does it need head trauma to enter a host? Why the ear damage? And why the obsession with dismantling?

What are the demons? Why now?

Hypothesis: they are learning. They are adapting. They are incomplete. Soon will come the uncovering, apocalypsis, and they will be ready. An army of monsters, commanded by nightmares, will take centre stage and bring the world to its knees.

Proof: none.



In cases where the two primary factors occurred before the cut-off point of New Year, 2013, nothing has happened. There was a scare in [illegible, possibly Belgium?], and a fraudulent case in Thailand, where the doctor was seeking media attention, and was arrested for abuse of his patient Suchart Chayond [name changed in editing for security reasons]. The Congo reported their first case. North Korea is still, allegedly, free, and has a wonderdrug they claim will cure the afflicted (one wonders how they developed or tested this drug without having a single patient). A craze of attempted inducement has risen among medical students, who make precise notes, test the strength of the blow required, the exact location the strike needs to take place; who listen to music as loud as they can in attempts to send themselves off balance. Two Cambridge students were recently sent down for manslaughter after they stuck a friend, Caroline Fray, around the head with a golf club. She wanted to incite inducement.

In total, there have been only 36 confirmed cases, seventeen unspecified, twelve monstrous, seven nightmares. It’s not a plague. It isn’t spreading. But when you get a culmination of two factors, inner ear and brain, someone will turn. Or, alternatively, passage for demonic entities into our world will be created.

and but and in Montenegro UN major world government and the United Nations convention in a private meeting with and


but and , , , , and

[Retracted due to the sensitivity and heavy classification of information contained within]

Bloody typical isn’t it? You can never get a good coffee at any of these functions can you?

Ah well. You know how it is.




At the time of writing, the author is on a plane to Australia, where a seven year old boy, let us call him Kilo, is mid-transition to demon-form. In all likelihood, unless the North Koreans actually deliver, I will personally have to kill him before the creature gets free. Have you ever looked into the eyes of a child before pulling the trigger? Do not make judgements; what I do, I do for the sake of mankind. So that no one else is induced.

Hopefully, he will be a monster. I am not ready to face another nightmare, not after the last unravelled half of my face, including my ear (right), leaving me with a deep, ringing tinnitus, my walk uneven and off balance. I carry a cane, reminding myself I am only one step away from completion, from becoming like them - from spiritual deconstruction.

I feel as though my errant zoologist friend would make a comparison to Blade; half-vampire, or in my case, half-demon, the gateway half unfinished.

[Ennis Quayle did in fact tweet something similar to Dr Armistice recently, asking her how her work as ‘basically Blade’ was going. He received no reply. Dr Armistice deleted her twitter account not long after]

Off-balance. It is a matter of time before I join them. Still. I prepare to face my next target. The demon’s current death toll is one. I intend to keep it that way.

What will my own death count be, I wonder, when I am finally inducted? Will I be a monster or a nightmare? Who will deconstruct me? Whose museum will I adorn?


Where are my demons, waiting in that limbo of lost souls? When will I meet my death?


[Some comments have also been retracted for potentially inflammatory nature]

More importantly, will this incitement ever end? Or is the human race now altered, forever cast into shadow, off balance. Awaiting an uncovering.

Awaiting the apocalypse.

[The extract ends, the rest of the pages have been obliterated or removed]




Dr Katrin Armistice is an award-winning philosopher and writer, with a background in cultural anthropology, and as such is one of the leading experts in so-called ‘possession’ cases. Until 2010 she was based at Cambridge University, and her works ‘The Relevance of Hell to You (i.e., why you’re probably going there)’, ‘Afterlife Myths Throughout Human History (and their plausibility ranked)’, and ‘Do You Hate Your Enemies? Vilify them in legend and solve all your problems!’ are among the highest-selling of their genre, although have been criticised for ‘dumbing down philosophy to the lowest common denominator’.

After suffering a severe attack in 2014, she retreated from public life and as such has only been seen in person three or four times since, although her work has continued privately and she still consults for the World Health Organisation on this peculiar condition.

Her work on this has won her nominations for human rights awards, however, since her attack, she has declined all of them saying ‘I’m not sure I qualify anymore’. Quite what she means by this is unclear.

She was born in Aberystwyth, Wales, 1984.


Published by TSNW Books (2016)

Edited and compiled by Vinna Jones, OBE


See more stories by Rebec
this cool did you write it

this cool did you write it

Posted by flooficorn on Fri, 01/27/2017 - 22:22
Yes I did, for my A-level

Yes I did, for my A-level coursework last year. I'm very proud of the formatting choices I made and I really enjoyed writing it. I'm glad you thought it was cool, thank you.

I am a tired bean and I need constant sleep pls let me chill

Posted by Rebec on Sun, 01/29/2017 - 16:24
*surreptiously turns down

*surreptiously turns down the volume on my headphones*

This is eerie af, I love it!

CC: I think it's 'redacted' not 'retracted', and that one line at the top is a little bit hard to read because the font is so small. but that's it.


i am not here to comply with your opinions, your beliefs on how the world should function. i'm here to challenge them. - MRK

Posted by StickyNotesRe on Sat, 01/28/2017 - 21:29
I think it is redacted in

I think it is redacted in this context but you can blame the word choice on the in-character editor word choice and they are...not reliable people. So I have a very legit excuse. I'll probably change that tbh

thank you! I'm very glad you enjoy, the font size is larger in the original word processor let me tell you. I'll try make it bigger here.


I am a tired bean and I need constant sleep pls let me chill

Posted by Rebec on Sun, 01/29/2017 - 16:22

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