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city of umbrellas

city of umbrellas

Posted December 29th, 2018 by Werty

by ~July~ [Kayla]
in your mind. i mean, it's not like i'm real.

December 29th, 2018

Central Park
Times Square
Rockefeller
I was there

Rainclouds pour
Wind blows
When the storm will end
No one knows

Tourists and locals
Umbrellas in the air
City of umbrellas
And no one seems to care

City of umbrellas
As the rain picks up
I think the rain is beautiful
But everyone else says it sucks

Back on the train
As we speed away
From the city of umbrellas
To a sunny day

In a car
Driving home
The city of umbrellas
Is the NYC I know

(Cc/notes? Or is it fine? It was a spur of the moment to make the front page speed up)


See more stories by ~July~ [Kayla]
Personally, I think this is

Personally, I think this is adorable and lighthearted and meanignful and I love the title. You did a good job!

Some CC: the rhythm is a little off at times. It's possible I'm reading it with the wrong emphasis, but these are some of the lines that seem out of place:

-When the storm will end (needs fewer syllables)

-But everyone else says it sucks (fewer syllables)

-In a car (not enough syllables)

-Driving home (not enough syllables)

The first stanza sets a very short line limit, but then the lines get longer throughout the poem. It seems like it would be easier if you added syllables to the lines in the first stanza, plus the first two lines of the last stanza. That would make it more uniform and nicely rhythmic.

Those are just my thoughts! This is a lovely poem with some great imagery, and if you don't want to change a thing, that's perfectly alright.

;)

 

Posted by justasmalltowng... on Sat, 12/29/2018 - 11:36
Thanks!  I see that now,

Thanks!  I see that now, andif I think of any replacements,I'll add them to the final draft.                                                                                      

________________________________

Click me and see what happens. Nothing did. That's that.

Ron: The spiders... they want me to tap dance. And I don't wanna tap dance!

Harry: You tell those spiders Ron.

Because Harry Potter never gets old.

Posted by indygoes (kayla) on Sun, 12/30/2018 - 08:30

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