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i guess i'm just bitter.

i guess i'm just bitter.

Posted November 22nd, 2014 by Lily09

by theodora

November 22nd, 2014

you tell yourself you're okay, you're happy, this is what it feels like to be alive.
you laugh with your friends, carelessly and recklessly,
and dance a little too much, talk a little too loud.
convincing yourself that this is your group of friends who care about you,
who give a shit about you enough to welcome you even though you can't even function.

but what if, what if it's not and despite what you're telling yourself,
this is just a false, desperate attempt because you just know,
you put so much energy drain yourself out to choke out frantic laughters 
too loud too much too high too fast 
that's what this "real okayness" that you've been telling your friends feels like.

does she know? between one arm hugs that are barely even a touch and tension filled words,
that maybe you're still a bit in love with her and its funny how you could only admit that,
after you both killed your shot and now you're just "friends"
yeah, if you call what you have now a friendship.
does she know you still love her?

and what happens when you're just a sidenote to your current best friend?
what happens when you can't run fast enough to keep up?
inedaquate, untalented, unnoticed.
silence is golden,
in a disintegrating friendship.

you're still in love with your ex best friend
you're still trying to gain your current best friends approval,
it's been two and a half years and you're just screwing your life over
for two goddamn people who look at you like you're just now turning into a tragedy,
even though you've been dying for a while now.

so go home and cry about it
when your other friends have left you after you ditched them
for your best friend's group of friends and for the girl who hasn't cared for months now.
its funny how that works, how you can put so much effort into someone,
and still lose them and yourself along the way.

See more stories by theodora
User: 0
i f..feel...   plz feel

i f..feel...


plz feel better eli <33 idk what to say but PLEASE hang in there because we all love you and so do your parents and your brother AND OF COURSE!!! your irl friends!!! shock, right?? but seriously they do. they so do. <3 <3

Posted by .claay. on Sun, 11/23/2014 - 00:12
this is so true and

this is so true and heartfelt and it explains me and ditto clay because it's going to be okay and you'll find friends who truly really care and it's going to be okay



my fake plants died because i forgot to pretend to water them

Posted by alaska on Sun, 11/23/2014 - 04:45
this is ...... w ow 

this is ...... w ow 

Posted by megan (maggiemay) on Tue, 11/25/2014 - 22:09
i love you so much and i

i love you so much and i promise that it will all work out and i promise that you'll get out and i promise that you'll find new friends and strengthen bonds with your old ones and i promise that you'll finally be happy with yourself, with or without the people you have now *hugs*

Posted by laurel on Fri, 11/28/2014 - 20:28

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