i guess i'm just bitter.
Posted November 22nd, 2014 by Lily09
November 22nd, 2014
you tell yourself you're okay, you're happy, this is what it feels like to be alive.
you laugh with your friends, carelessly and recklessly,
and dance a little too much, talk a little too loud.
convincing yourself that this is your group of friends who care about you,
who give a shit about you enough to welcome you even though you can't even function.
but what if, what if it's not and despite what you're telling yourself,
this is just a false, desperate attempt because you just know,
you put so much energy drain yourself out to choke out frantic laughters
too loud too much too high too fast
that's what this "real okayness" that you've been telling your friends feels like.
does she know? between one arm hugs that are barely even a touch and tension filled words,
that maybe you're still a bit in love with her and its funny how you could only admit that,
after you both killed your shot and now you're just "friends"
yeah, if you call what you have now a friendship.
does she know you still love her?
and what happens when you're just a sidenote to your current best friend?
what happens when you can't run fast enough to keep up?
inedaquate, untalented, unnoticed.
silence is golden,
in a disintegrating friendship.
you're still in love with your ex best friend
you're still trying to gain your current best friends approval,
it's been two and a half years and you're just screwing your life over
for two goddamn people who look at you like you're just now turning into a tragedy,
even though you've been dying for a while now.
so go home and cry about it
when your other friends have left you after you ditched them
for your best friend's group of friends and for the girl who hasn't cared for months now.
its funny how that works, how you can put so much effort into someone,
and still lose them and yourself along the way.
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