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If I was gone

If I was gone

Posted November 27th, 2019 by chicken123

by Ava
in My head

November 27th, 2019

Sometimes I think to myself... I hate my life. No one likes me unless they want to use me for something. My friends only listen to me so that I can finish talking.I always ruin everything. Every time something good is about to happen, I always ruin it. I have to take medication for anxiety now, and I said I didn't want a counselor but now I have to have one. I just wish someone would like me for who I am. Also, somebody who is supposed to be my friend was being a jerk to me. She always is, but I normally just let it go because she does it all the time. She's like Oh I love you, then he's like Oh I hate you why are you here. I went on a big trip with the band but she just joined concert band so that she could go on the trip and she called me a F***ing b****, and told me to F***ing kill myself. Then she laughed because she thought it was hilarious. I got so sick of her. I texted my mom what happened, and she told her dad. When we got home 3 days later, Her dad asked her about it. She said she called me what she did, but denied that she told me to kill myself. She says that all the time. And sometimes, I wonder how happy everyone would be if I really did.

We also went to a coffee place and she said she was going to get a caramel macchiato. I looked around while she ordered so I didn't hear what she ordered. I ordered and peppermint mocha frappuccino DECAF because caffeine makes me seriously sick. The lady looked up at the screen and my drink that she was holding and said Sorry there's whip is that Ok? I said yeah and took it. She didn't even say a name so how was I supposed to know if it was mine? Well, anyway, my "friend" was like Um hello I was before you. I said but you got a caramel machiato. She rolled her eyes and said that was hers. It wasn't decaf. The lady gave her mine with no whip, and decaf. I asked if she wanted to switch and she said Ew no. I said why and she did a little giggle and said Because I want it to be full. I literally took a sip out of it. I spent a gift card my sweet little grandma got me on a 6 dollar coffee. And gave it to a guy from my band. because I would get sick. I got back on the bus and she was drinking hers, and said Oh do you want to switch? Grrrrr.....

But basically, yeah. Everyone tells me to shut up and I wonder how people would feel if I really was gone.

See more stories by Ava
hey, can i say

hey, can i say something?

having a counselor is great. it HELPS. they know what they're doing. believe me or not. counselors/therapists/psychologists are about the best things that can happen to people who are suffering.

please, please, please promise me that you'll tell them everything. that you won't be afraid. that you'll open up to them and not stop talking until you have nothing else to say.

because then, from there forward, things WILL start to get better.


-you know me by now.

Posted by ~July~ [Kayla] on Wed, 11/27/2019 - 18:34
I feel sorta the same

I feel sorta the same

Posted by Fire Dragon 74 on Sat, 12/07/2019 - 13:13
I agree with Kayla. Talk to

I agree with Kayla. Talk to someone. Even your parents- they probably understand more than you'd expect. <3

Posted by Esther on Sun, 12/08/2019 - 18:50

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