it's the only way (tw, starving)
Posted June 6th, 2022 by ElizieAngelina
June 6th, 2022
(TW: there are depictions of bulimia here. If you're uncomfortable, you know the drill.)
"Luna, is it okay if I go to the restroom?" I ask. Luna looks up at me with happy eyes, and says, "Sure! You can go." I walk to the restroom. Oh, sweet, innocent, happy Luna, it'll probably be the last time you see my smile. Down the hallways I've always known, looking as plain and dull as ever. I begin to cackle at the thought of what's going to happen. Every single day, I come here, and Luna never even knows why.
I open the rusty, ugly metal handle to the bathroom, and it swings open with a thump. Ugh. The bathroom smells like a dog, but of course, that's only the first step for what's going to happen later on. Isn't it? I walk to the sink, and get on the stool. I look at myself. I'm even more pale than the whitest snowball, the clearest ice, or even the cleanest bedsheets. Perfect. Utter perfection. I don't want to look pale, but that's the second step.
And now here comes the third step.
I suck in my stomach...
place my hands over it...
and feel the sensation in my throat. Yes. Yes! It's coming, oh, yes. I begin to laugh, but it only comes out as a gurgle. To pass the time, I see the scale in the corner. As frail as ever, and my vision obscured, I limp over to the scale. I think so, at least. I fall on the wall, and yelp. I get up with all my might, and step on the scale, or what feels like a step. I grab my left leg with both hands, and place it on the scale. I watch as its little brain calculates my weak and frail body.
I giggle like a little schoolgirl, and finally, I taste it. Oh, yes. I dig my hands in harder, and there it is-my pulled pork, out in lumps, all in the trashcan. It just keeps coming out-it's like a big chocolate worm has taken over my body and is now producing endless supplies of chocolate. Except way more disgusting. It just keeps going on and on. I'm giggling more and more. And then I remember-there aren't any security cameras in the bathroom.
I walk back to the cafeteria.
Hoping that nobody will notice.
Praying that there's more of that sensation.
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