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The Lake

The Lake

Posted May 11th, 2021 by Not_Jello

by Tristan
in Earth

May 11th, 2021

The water in the lake normally calmed me down – I was with my friend Hannah. They weren’t there, visible to the naked eye, I would more call her imaginary. But I heard her, I knew she was real. “Carly?” Hannah whispered in my ear, I stayed silent. There were people having a picnic and I didn’t want to look like a psycho, only I could see and hear her. Hannah had black, wavy hair and dark brown eyes. When we were alone we played truth or dare.

    We couldn’t do it, not this time. There are other people, Hannah. I thought. “But Carly, I’m BOOOORRRREEEDDDD!” Hannah complained. Sigh… Fine. But we can only share thoughts. When there were other people around, we communicated with thoughts. I zoned out whilst staring at the lake, it was almost hypnotic. I turned to grab my coffee then realised that Hannah’s left leg had disappeared. “Hannah?!” I blurted out. Her right leg faded away, then her left arm, then her right arm. Everything was gone within minutes.

     I only then realised that Hannah had never existed in the first place, and it was all a figment of my imagination, because I woke up in a hospital bed where my mum and dad were crying and hugging me. Hannah was just a part in my mind to fill in the blank spots, I then remembered what happened. I was crossing the road then I was hit by a car with a girl who looked like Hannah riding it, the girl was the last person I saw before it went black and I fell into a coma.



   The end because I have no more ideas.

See more stories by Tristan
That was a roller coaster

That was a roller coaster from start to finish. Very fun to read, though!


Good yard,

(Warmest regards)


Posted by Tía Snow on Tue, 05/11/2021 - 18:02
Can you please clarify what

Can you please clarify what you mean by rollercoaster? Do you mean like it didn't make a lot of sense and the plot was just all over the place?

Posted by Theresia on Wed, 05/12/2021 - 03:25
A roller coaster as in, at

A roller coaster as in, at every point, the plot went in a direction I did not expect. It also did so very quickly, so it felt like a roller coaster.

The roller coaster isn't necessarily a bad thing, but I always want stories to be longer, more carefully developed. 

Sounds like this was just a practice piece, though?


Good yard,

(Warmest regards)


Posted by Tía Snow on Wed, 05/12/2021 - 11:08

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