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Mackenzie's First Mystery

Mackenzie's First Mystery

Posted February 4th, 2021 by AvaRun

by Ava
in Indiana

February 4th, 2021

     One day a girl named Mackenzie was at home with her friends Molly and Deanna when suddenly the power went out.  "Someone must have turned out the power" said Deanna.  
"But why and who did it?" asked Molly.  "Looks like we have a mystery to solve" said Mackenzie excitedly.  "The first thing we should do is look for clues" said Deanna.  It was 50 degrees outside so the girls slipped on light jackets put their shoes on and headed out to look for clues in their neighborhood and the Xfinity store.  

     They found papers all over their neighborhood that said "If I turn out the power, you could help me scare everyone away and buy their homes and businesses."  "Let's go to the Xfinity store and look for clues and ask employees if they know who turned the power off" Molly said, breaking the silence.  "The only employee I know who would tell us why or give us suspects is Emily Jennings." said Mackenzie.  Twenty minutes later they arrived.  "Hey Emily" said Deanna.  "What do you need?"  "We were just wondering who shut the power off?"  "I can give you a few suspects" said Emily.  

     The girls left with three suspects.  The suspects were Richard Edwards, Brian Berry, and Liam Baker.  "We can use clues we find to narrow it down to one suspect" Mackenzie said.  One hour later Deanna found a clue.  It was a $1000 bill.  "I know who we can take off the list" said Molly.  "Who?" asked Mackenzie.  "Richard Edwards" said Molly.  "He doesn't have anything close to that in his bank account I suspect whoever did this has a lot of money in his bank account."  

     "You're right!" Mackenzie and Deanna exclaimed.  It was 10pm so the girls went to bed.  At 10am in the morning the girls got dressed and slipped on shoes and a jacket.  At noon, they found another clue.  It was a form that was signed by James Campbell that ordered Liam Baker or Brian Berry to be fired.  The girls didn't know which one yet because the name of the person who signed the form was scribbled over with a Sharpie marker.  Suddenly Deanna said "I know who's behind all of this."  "We need to head back to our neighborhood then we need to find the cable box that controls the power" said Deanna.  "So, are you thinking the person behind this will be there?" asked Molly.  Deanna answered with a yes.  When the girls got to the cable box the culprit was there.  Deanna took of the mask and said "as I though, it's Liam Baker."  "But why did he do it?"  asked Mackenzie.  "Because I wanted to buy peoples' homes and businesses so I could build a hotel with toboggan slide, water slides, and a swimming pool" said Liam Baker.

     Twenty minutes later officer McBride arrived and took Liam Baker to the nearest prison.  "Don't worry girls, we will make sure he doesn't do this again" said office McBride.  "Thanks officer" said the girls.  


See more stories by Ava
Wow that was a really good

Wow that was a really good story 

I'm rose i'm new too 

iv'e also only posted 1 story though i have a few more chapters ready

 

Magically,

Rose

Posted by Rose on Thu, 02/04/2021 - 17:40
Hello, Ava! I'm Snow.

Hello, Ava! I'm Snow. Welcome to KidPub! 

I liked this idea a lot! It feels a little bit like Nancy Drew. Do you read a lot of mysteries? I never have but I find them impressive. 

Small suggestion: when you write dialogue, you often need a comma between the last word of dialogue and the rest of the sentence. For instance, 

"So I could build a hotel with a toboggan slide, water slides, and a swimming pool," said Liam Baker. 

Or

"I already told you," said Sam crossly. 

Or

"I need you to listen," Joe entreated. 

 

Happy Writing!

 

Good yard,

(Warmest regards)

Snow

Posted by Tía Snow on Thu, 02/04/2021 - 21:32

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