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Mistakes are made

Mistakes are made

Posted September 27th, 2018 by Ninasilverrose

by Nina
in British Columbia

September 27th, 2018

Has it ever hurt when you don't know what you did wrong? And the fact that the wrong thing you did, whatever it was, hurt everyone around you? 

I remember when I was about 4, I had a brother named Kile. He was older by 5 years. This thing was, he was very popular. Extremely popular.  Everytime he went outside, people came up to him and laughed and pointed. He always told me it was because they loved him and admired him. One day, as we were walking home, one of those people came up to us and grabbed my collar.

"What are ya lookin' at, loser? Wanna join the fun?" My brother growled and pushed the boy aside roughly. But then I saw his expression change as he stared past me. His eyes widened and his lips parted in an almost eerie way. The next thing I felt was hitting the hard cement and a thud. 

When I looked up, all I could see were the blinding headlights of a truck. The rest became a blur and shock and disbelief began to form inside me and tears stung my eyes, threatening to spill. I hadn't been hurt, but I remember the painful spot in my ribs as it throbbed. 

When I woke up my parents greeted me and spared me the talking and questioning. Instead, they just led me through dark and long hallways until we reached a white hospital bed. And there he lay, perfectly still, as a machine beside him beeped slowly. I began to walk towards him, my throat feeling dry, when the monitor stopped beeping and just let out a continous ring.  

Nurses and doctors crowded around the bed, checking wires and medication. 

"What is going on? What happened to Kile?" Nobody answered me. My parents just looked away surrowfully and mom began to sob silently. I felt my breath catch in my throat . It got harder and harder to breath until my body shook violently and my chest heaved up and down so quick I thought my heart might stop that very second.

I didn't cry. I don't know whether it was the bottled up scream I had held in or the fact that my capability to cry had disfunctioned or the truth had yet to sink in, I still held my breath, said nothing else and just stared in a forever shocked state as my parents rushed me out of the room. And I also had to watch them bury him in the earth forevermore. I don't know why, but my chest stung everytime.  




His remains must have rotted by now, I think absentmindedly as I lay the white Rose on the marble surface. I push back the painful memories and suck in a lungful of freezing air, then let it all out in a cloud of white mist. I turn to leave, and as my boots click and scrape on the rocky ground, I stick my cold hands in my coat pockets and begin walking. 

"Leaving already?" A voice asks from behind me, and I turn around slowly. The transparent figure of Kile stands in front of me, his body mimicking my movements. 

"Ah. Still haven't gone to heaven, huh?" He laughs, his perfect hair falling around him as he shakes. 

And then he is gone, leaving behind a gust of air and an empty space in my heart. I smile slightly as the wind blows my hair around, then turn and begin walking away from the marble grave that glittered in the small amount of cold sunlight. 

"Rest well, brother." I whisper into the chilly wind, and my voice silently travels until it reaches my brother all these light years away.

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