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my fake friend chapter 2 [may be a lot of mistakes sorry]

my fake friend chapter 2 [may be a lot of mistakes sorry]

Posted March 13th, 2019 by Roisin_D

by Roisin
in Cork

March 20th, 2019

My mom looked at me angrily she opened the door slowly and peeked out to see who or what scared me.

Kiki's mom stormed in and stared at me finally she said ''i'm sorry'' I was shocked Kiki hugged me and we played together for a couple of hours.

Now your probably wondering wait hold up were does it fall apart! Well i'll skip to that bit then.

So it was the first day of first year and I was so happy of course me and Kiki were going to the same school.

I ate my breakfast like the flash.Soon Kiki came to the door I quickly opened it.She looked like a princess in her uniform she haid her hair in a perfect bun. I was shocked ''hi'' I said she looked at me ''are you coming''? she asked happily ''two mins'' I replied.The school bus was packed we barely got seats.A couple of boys came up to us ''hi'' said a tall boy with light brown hair and brown eyes ''hi'' said Kiki when I looked back at him I thought I saw him blushing I thought ''what the hell'!

 

p.s for the next chapter you get to choose the name of the tall boy.

Please vote!


See more stories by Roisin
Sorry for ending it so

Sorry for ending it so quickly I had to go somewere.Anyway hope you enjoy chapter three!

Posted by Roisin on Wed, 03/13/2019 - 14:09
Wow, it looks like things

Wow, it looks like things are going to get interesting! Who is the tall boy??? I’m excited to find out.

One thing you should check out is the format for writing dialogue! You should always start a new paragraph by pushing enter before someone new talks.

Example:

“I like peanut butter!” I said

My sister responded, “you do?”

Also, you can use commas to let your reader know that there is dialogue.

Instead of

“Hi” said the tall boy

You can write,

“Hi,” said the tall boy.

Notice there was a comma right before the end of the quote!

The last thing is that you always need to start a quote with a capital letter, just like the beginning of a sentence.

If you look at your favorite books, you can find lots of examples of dialogue. You’ll be able to get a feel for it pretty fast. Keep writing! I can’t wait to read more!

Posted by Esther on Wed, 03/13/2019 - 14:26
xxPheonixa12xx Everything

xxPheonixa12xx

Everything you write gets loads of reads but I find it kinda funny how somebody puts a comment on all of them to fix you grammar

Also you missed a word on the first sentence and until the third sentence nothing makes any sense to me.Remeber to check you writing before you post it to see if it makes sense to you and to make sure that there are no mistakes.

Still no quotes--Me

Posted by Ava on Sat, 03/16/2019 - 17:49
Hey Ava, could you please be

Hey Ava, could you please be polite and constructive with your criticism? I think it might be more helpful to Roisin if you pointed out the places you’re talking about, and gave some suggestions of how to fix. We’re all learning here!

Posted by Esther on Mon, 03/18/2019 - 22:08
Ok Ava in one of your storys

Ok Ava in one of your storys you asked people not to comment about your grammer same here I was in a rush i'm happy people still commented 

they were being nice and I know we're like best friends but it is a bit rude the way you comment i'm not saying it hurts me but it might hurt some other people.

Posted by Roisin_D on Wed, 03/20/2019 - 01:55

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