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Mystique Academy (chapter 3)

Mystique Academy (chapter 3)

Posted November 14th, 2020 by Mystique

by Molly
in Minnesota

November 15th, 2020

Jaida pelted down the corridors of Mystique Academy. Her silver robes flapped wildly. Werden chased after her. "Jaida, wait! If there's another monster coming, we can't just leave!"

"The monsters want me." She muttered, as if in a trance. "If I leave, they should follow me and leave the Academy alone."

"Should?" Werden panted. "Not exactly reassuring!"

Jaida led him into her dorm room. Werden's face flushed red and he felt an odd thrill as he stepped into her room. It was nothing special, just a bunk bed and two desks with spellbooks laying around.

Jaida's roommate, Cassandra, looked up from a spellbook and frowned. "Jade? Why are you in such a rush?" She spotted Werden and gasped. "Oh, hello, Werden!" She batted her eyelashes and twirled a strand of blond hair around her finger.

"Cassie!" Jaida sounded annoyed. "You should be getting ready. And I'm going on a quest, so I kind of have to rush."

"With Werden?" Cassandra pouted. "Shame, I really would like to get to know you better!" She smiled brightly.

"Uh-huh." Werden mumbled. He wished he could say something more intelligent, but Cassie's eyes seemed to pry into his soul. He felt like they were deep pools of water, and he was falling into them. . .

"Okay!" Jaida said loudly. "I'm packed. Werden, hurry to your dorm and get whatever you think you might need. I'll go organize the Cadets and Younglings."

"Got it. See you around, Cassie." Werden nodded in what he hoped was a cool way. Cassie wiggled her fingers at him. Jaida huffed and slammed the door.

"What was that?!" She hissed as they walked down the hallway.

"I was being friendly." Werden smirked. "Why? You jealous?"

"No!" Jaida yelped quickly. "Why didn't you try to resist Cassie's love spell?"

"Wait, what?" The world seemed to spin. "She put a love spell on me?"

"Duh!" Jaida's eyes softened as she looked at him. "You know, a lot of girls like you around here."

"Really?" Werden made a face and Jaida laughed. He loved it when she laughed.

"I'm serious!" She giggled. "You should be careful. Maybe dye your hair an unappealing color."

Werden ran his fingers through his brown hair. "Nah." He decided. 

"You're hopeless." Jaida scolded, but she was smiling. "Get your stuff, quickly!"

Werden ran into his room and closed the door, hoping Jaida hadn't seen any of the stuff lying on the floor. He hopped over a mound of quills and stuffed everything he might need into a brown travel bag. When he rushed out, Jaida was ready to go. They sprinted to the Great Lawn, where Master Wishu was waiting for them.

"Good luck." He told them. "Remember, Toros has probably sent his most powerful demons out looking for you. Move quickly!"

"We will, Master." Jaida hesitated, then threw her arms around him. "Please, protect my sister." She begged. 

"I wouldn't dream of doing otherwise!" Master Wishu said with a wink. He ruffled Jaida's head. "I've stationed two Cadets and one Guardian at each of the sides as lookouts. We should be safe. Now you should go before the monster gets here."

"Too late!" The nearest Cadet cried. "Look!" He pointed and Werden nearly jumped out of his skin.

A huge monstrous bird was soaring towards them, cawing and clacking its sharp beak. The archers were already firing arrow after arrow, but the bird ducked and dodged everything with ease.

"Bird!" Jaida screamed, which seemed kind of obvious to Werden.

"Come in!" He yelled, and seized Jaida's hand. They sprinted towards the main gate. Werden got there first and threw himself against it, shoving it open. He held it open so Jaida could get through and then let them close. The gates boomed together with an ominous creak. Jaida and Werden looked at each other. It was a lot darker in the woods than they had anticipated, and the trees were so thick they could barely see the sky.

"We should run." Jaida said finally. Werden nodded, and they jogged for a couple of minutes.

Suddenly the huge skeletal bird crashed through the trees, raining branches down onto them. It opened its beak to devour them.

See more stories by Molly
Cassie's love spell and the

Cassie's love spell and the resulting conversation is great. Sometimes only the girls in a guy's life can drop the bomb on him-- "dude, you're attractive, and it's causing problems"

Small critique: While I think your first sentence invokes a great image, I wonder if "thundering" is the word you need. That sort of implies that she's being loud and doesn't intrinsically describe her speed. I think you want "galloping" or "pelting" or "sprinting." 

(is cassie a jerk or did she just fall for this boi? along with half the school apparently! reminds me of a classmate of mine.)

Can I draw your attention to how two very different but not neccessarily incompatible things are happening at once: Jaida and Werden's relationship is being deepened and developed WHILE they are dealing with a crisis and trying to run? You've dodged a common mistake.

Some young writers make the mistake of thinking you CANNOT do both: you either have to have Battle or Friendship, and they don't occur at the same time. Well done having them both--if you don't care about Werden and Jaida for their own sake, it's hard to be frightened (which I was!) when they're getting chased by a gigantic skeletal bird. 

On the flip side, you might (but have not yet,) make the mistake of NEVER letting the battles and fights keep them from developing their relationships. It's the nature of crisis to get in the way of friendship and love. While a weed can grow even between cracks in the sidewalk, it runs the constant risk of getting stepped on. 



Good yard,

(Warmest regards)


Posted by Tía Snow on Sun, 11/15/2020 - 19:48
Okay! I will change

Okay! I will change thundering as soon as possible. Thanks for the other advice too!

Posted by Molly on Sun, 11/15/2020 - 21:12

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