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Prologue Of Untitled (CC welcome)

Prologue Of Untitled (CC welcome)

Posted March 28th, 2014 by Tiara

by no
in NO

March 6th, 2018

nope


See more stories by no
Cool, it's

Cool, it's suspenceful!

 

Please read my stories (http://www.kidpub.com/authors-works/codename-x12/track)

Posted by Jack on Fri, 03/28/2014 - 13:14
Ooh, nice! I'm excited!CC:

Ooh, nice! I'm excited!
CC: The mother should say the last line like she's baffled and not fearful, because she's not sure why the policewoman is talking like that about Scar's boyfriend.

I love it!
There are some times when I do smile down upon mankind. :)

Posted by Madelyn on Fri, 03/28/2014 - 14:34
I do have some CC - Rowan

I do have some CC -

Rowan Williams, a stern, aloof, middle-aged policewoman with a gray pixie-cut and wrinkles like the very crevices of the earth asked.

The way you have asked far away from the beggining of the state ment (Rowan Williams) makes me need to look back to see how asked fits in again. That may just be me but that's how I read it.

“She looks just like me,” the mother smiled, but not necessarily a smile of joy. “Red hair,  gray eyes.”

If it's not a smile of joy is it a smile of mervousness? fear?

Well, that's it. Don't get me wrong I love the spinet and am inteneding to read more as soon as it comes out. KEEP WRITING THIS!!!!

Imma working on a new novel! watch for progress!
http://www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-chapter/casper-prologue-2034146328

Just.

Posted by WisdomTeeth on Fri, 03/28/2014 - 14:41
Thanks everyone for the CC!

Thanks everyone for the CC! For Wisdom Teeth about the smile, it's kind of meant for the reader to infer, if that makes much sense. It's kind of like an awkward smile just to look normal. For Madelyn, thanks for the CC! I might make the mother sound like, "What's wrong?! Oh my God, what's wrong?!" or something of that nature. I might make the officer's details be spread out, so to speak, like, "her large wrinkles scrunched up like an armadillo as she spoke" possibly. Well, thanks!

 

 

 

"Battle not with monsters lest ye become a monster; and if you gaze into the abyss the abyss gazes into you." -Friedrich Nietzsche "Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out of it alive." -Elbert Hubbard ^-^

Posted by Snowy Narwhal (... on Sat, 03/29/2014 - 14:29
hey tiara/no, i sent you a

hey tiara/no, i sent you a contact message. just checking up on you.

Posted by esther on Wed, 03/14/2018 - 01:37

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