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so i guess this is goodbye, old pal...

so i guess this is goodbye, old pal...

Posted May 14th, 2020 by Werty

by {]Kayla[}
in your mind. i mean, it's not like i'm real.

May 14th, 2020

wow.

 

in december it will be 5 years of me using this site.

 

i want to explain before i go.

 

i am not "permanently leaving". i will still post, occasionally, on the forums. but i'm going offline, probably for a long time. i will most likely never post on the nsp ever again. and you're probably wondering why.

 

i joined this website at the very start of the dark ages, probably a week before publishing shut down. i tried my very hardest to catch up with everyone. to become an equal to everyone else. but it was hard. and i knew i always lagged behind. i knew i was the youngest on the site.

 

when my bio broke, it was the final straw. i am 13 years old. i haven't been able to edit my bio in three or four years. (perry did change my age once). i wasn't angry, but i was so afraid of how badly i knew i was being judged, especially on the forums. it got to the point where i'd look back on something as soon as two months ago and hate myself for it. i tried to act more mature. less like myself. so nobody would think of me as the little kid. that was what i was so afraid of.

 

i began to take little hiatuses, then go back. it went on like that. on and on and on. even now, with my head clear and fresh, i can't type something on the forums without being so afraid of what people will think. i'm afraid.

 

i'm sorry for this. but i have to put something out there. i am not okay anymore. i'm done pretending that i am.

so i'm moving on. i'm not gone forever, but i'm not going to post any of my writing on here anymore. my only regret, something i never did, but i wish i had done more that anything-

 

i never finished a story.

 

i'm sorry, kidpub. i love you all so much, and i'm going to miss you. but i'm doing what i need to do to feel even a little bit better.

 

goodbye~


See more stories by {]Kayla[}
Kayla, I totally understand.

Kayla, I totally understand. It's okay that you don't want to be here anymore, but if you want to talk or something my email's synnotts@emauton.org. I think you're a great writer, but again, it's fine if you want to leave. 

<3


"You see, it doesn't matter who we are, Sophie. It's what we do." ~Lady Lesso, The School for Good and Evil

Posted by IllegalSparkles on Thu, 05/14/2020 - 10:07
I'm really sad to hear that

I'm really sad to hear that your leaving. I don't know you very well but I don't think you have to feel scared of what people will think. that is too big a burdon for anyone to carry. It will just weigh you down forever. you have to overcome that fear. you can't live with it. just post what you think is cool and you think is nice or funny or whatever. it doesn't matter what people think { exept if they offer advice that would make it better for you and for them do it.} if you like it you post it {don't spam} I hope that was helpful for you. i hope you'll still be seeing the new stories that are posted.  ;)

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"Champion, I can take a beating, I'll rise again." - Barns Courtney

Posted by Fire Dragon 74 on Fri, 05/15/2020 - 10:20
Thank you for helping me

Thank you for helping me become the person and writer I am today. You made me feel better when I was sad, and you made me laugh. You are by far one of my favorite authors on this website, and I dont know you in person but behind that screen that you might be reading this, is an amazing person. You were probably my best friend on this site, even if you didnt realise it. On youtube I'm MusicGirl5 , and If you need more info let me know I'd love to stay in contact. Thank you for the amazing stories we wrote together and for being a light in my dark corner of the world.
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As you walk down the fairway of life, smell the roses. You only get to play one round. -Ben Hogan

Posted by chicken123 on Fri, 05/15/2020 - 21:48
And honestly it doesn't

And honestly it doesn't matter how old you are. I thought you were way older than me and I always looked up to you and tried to write and be like you

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As you walk down the fairway of life, smell the roses. You only get to play one round. -Ben Hogan

Posted by Ava on Sat, 05/16/2020 - 18:02
Love you lots! take care of

Love you lots! take care of yourself champ. God bless!

Posted by Esther on Sun, 06/21/2020 - 00:05

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