Uhm...not sure what this is. (Warning, mild cursing, Mature Content.) For the 2nd Round of the Twister.
Posted May 10th, 2013 by soph-soph27
Impossible Girl |
May 11th, 2013
What the hell is wrong with being a vampire anyway? Survival of the fittest, whatever. Ugh, and that Stephanie Meyers woman, thinking she knew SO much about us. Ha, fat freaking chance. Disgusting, the filthy misconceptions spread about us.
"Ew, they drink human blood."
Oh yeah, we totally enjoy doing that. You know how about 60% of America is obese or heading towards obesity? What, do you think we like the greasy, salty tastes? Don't be so dense- never mind- humans usually are. But seriously, why would we need blood to survive? Meat gives protein right? Why can't we just eat tofu without being stared at? I mean, people- er- humans, talk about how you can tell a vampire because they need blood to sustain themselves- no. No, naturally we need as much of that disgusting, contaminated blood from animals and humans. Yeah, yeah, okay. I got over complaining now let's hear my amazingling deep, profound insights.
So, how about the sexualization of us in media? Like I said, that worthlesness Stephanie Meyers was spreading? Untrue. Like, a vampire never needs to worry about celibacy, because there is nothing inside of us. Even if a sperm from a human- ew, it's still such a disgusting word- entered one of us, it would die. As for the males in our midst, everyone knows that in order to obtain an erection, blood flows there. Since we vampires, males and females alike, have no blood, there will never be a problem with a either gender swearing to celibacy, as it's impossible to have actual intercourse.
One last note- what I said about drinking human blood earlier- know about how the Ancient Greeks, and lots of other cultures used to use leeching to get the "diseased blood" out? Oh, on a side note- I knew Louis Pasteur, the guy who found out it wasn't the blood that was diseased. Nice man, very polite. Anyway, the worst thing we could do to you would be to reduce the amount of salt in your system. So when you don't die from sodium overload, don't forget to thank us!
You know, we aren't so different from humans, except for having an- to put it your way- "inhumanly" long life span, 'course, we aren't human.
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