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word vomit {rated T for suicidal ideation}

word vomit {rated T for suicidal ideation}

Posted April 20th, 2016 by SilverMoon

by Ena
in Texas

December 12th, 2016

potentially triggering i guess

i am the perfect child
the perfect student i
am organized and always
complete my work
it's always far above par
and the others stare at
my test scores in
awe and envy.
i am intelligent and composed
though i am haughty and
cold if my heart is gold
no one knows it but there is
a coat of gold spray paint on
top of what's under and that
is good enough to
please the adults.
i am fine and i handle everything
that comes my way with ease because
i have to. i flit from pair to pair and
group to group of people that
don't see me and the spray paint
is good enough for them too.
and under the coat of gold is a
thin sheet of cold steel or
tin foil, but they can't tell the difference anyway
it might as well be a wall of iron
three feet thick
people stay away but i am fine and
strong invincible alone
cold untouchable.
i like it better like this
no one can see me so
i can remain on my pedestal
in my paper crown
and faux fur cape
i've a warm front and a cold front and people
love to guess which one's the façade but fail
to notice the word 'front' in both
and don't you know fronts are temporary
to come second is to fall short
and to fall short is to break
hit it until it breaks, you say?
it broke
i am the perfect child
cerebral in nature but talented
physically and mentally
as far as others can see I am
emotionally underdeveloped
but to feel is to fear
and to fear is to be paralyzed
the flaws of others are obvious and deplorable
i point it out whenever i can
i can't help it
they call it confidence, arrogance, ego
but they are deceived by cheap shimmer and glitter
as i knew they would be
as they should be
as far as they know my crown is real
and it is as surely on my head as my head is
on my shoulders but in truth
i'm losing both
they have no way of knowing that it is not
superiority but fear of inferiority
that keeps my crown taped on my head
and my cape wrapped around my shoulders
like a few mere stitches trying to keep a world from
falling apart
because i will only ever fall apart
because i will never be enough
i will never be good enough but
i can't let them know that because
i must not falter i must not fall
but it's too late
i am sick and it cannot
be cured with a few pills or
a good night's rest or a warm cup
of soup but with the downing of
the whole bottle or something much
more burning than soup or a simple
bullet to the brain. 

sorry i've written better and less melodramatic things before lol

See more stories by Ena
heyyyy this is incredibly

heyyyy this is incredibly well expressed i am actually jealous of how vividly you convey things ur metaphors and wording and everything is so concise and amazing and organized and this is very excellent word vomit *faves*

but also i wish you didn't feel this way and i'm sorry that you do ://

this was a fab poem tho your writing is awesome like always~

Posted by Sravani on Wed, 04/20/2016 - 20:18
thanks tho! (psst u should

thanks tho! (psst u should comment on more of my stuff bc im an attention hoe lol)


Posted by Sciamachy (Ena) on Wed, 04/20/2016 - 20:20
lol i will comment on most

lol i will comment on most of everything you write from this moment onwards (im the same way and i would ask u to do the same but i havent actually written anything in ages whoops)

Posted by Sravani on Wed, 04/20/2016 - 20:25
yeeeee ( i WILL comment on

yeeeee ( i WILL comment on what u have posted of arg and if u DO write stuff i will also comment on most of everything u write from this moment onwards)


Posted by Sciamachy (Ena) on Wed, 04/20/2016 - 20:27
yayyy awesome :DD do u want

yayyy awesome :DD do u want links (i was an idiot and forgot to link the third part of ch 1 to the rest of the story so its just floating around in a void lol)(also its not that great bc i suck at starting stories haha, but ill probably edit it sometime later anyways)

Posted by Sravani on Wed, 04/20/2016 - 20:31
this is so well written and

this is so well written and haunting. i loved it so much. you are so so talented. 

Posted by Halle on Wed, 04/20/2016 - 21:11
thank you :)   ~sciamachy

thank you :)



Posted by Sciamachy (Ena) on Wed, 04/20/2016 - 21:12
i forgot how nice your

i forgot how nice your poetry is aa. i like the whole spray paint gold thing and this is very thoughful good job

Posted by sixteen on Thu, 04/21/2016 - 07:10
thanks! ~sciamachy



Posted by Sciamachy (Ena) on Thu, 04/21/2016 - 09:34
(snooping ur convo with

(snooping ur convo with sravvy and i totally relate to being an attention hoe so imma swamp u with compliments and comments)
so this is a very decent word vomit??? it's like relatable and it just starts subtly and then EMOTIONS and at the same time it's so quiet and relatable and just full of seething rage at oneself for not being best at everything
like DAMN I wish I could write emotions like that
but srsly nice word dump. and we can vent and rant t each other if u want you know I'll always listen <3

~Scilloideae // in bloom

Posted by Scilloideae (*Jill*) on Fri, 04/22/2016 - 05:17
ahhh thank u

ahhh thank u <3


Posted by Sciamachy (Ena) on Fri, 04/22/2016 - 11:17
this is reminding me of

this is reminding me of plato's allegory of the cave,

i think you've seen something great,

and now this world's shadow games are annoying you greatly.

idk if i'm right...

in any case, you are very fiery and very clear and very well-written and it almost gives me Dickens feels because of the scathing gaze...

Ena of the Flames, The Dark Calligrapher... may I add you a nickname?



Spero quod via tua est directa et quod tuum onus est levis.

Posted by *Snow* meddler ... on Wed, 05/04/2016 - 21:20


i personally believe that we are all in caves and the "light" that some "enlightened" individuals think they see is just their version of the truth, because there is no set reality beyond our personal perception. the "truth" of the "light" is just what the majority accept it to be and not what really is

sorry im a philosophy geek

Posted by Sravani on Wed, 05/04/2016 - 21:26



(omg in the book im reading seraphina  seraphina and this guy kiggs r just like, bonding over philosophers at one point and its great like ?? this is a het ship i can get behind)


Posted by Sciamachy (Ena) on Wed, 05/04/2016 - 21:48
ahhhhh ye omg

ahhhhh ye omg thanks

totally, nice nickname


Posted by Sciamachy (Ena) on Wed, 05/04/2016 - 21:46

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